


Of Height and Breadth

by Lady_Viola_Delesseps



Series: Tolkien-Verse Compatible Fics [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Affection, Coming of Age, Emotionally Constipated Thorin, F/M, Fíli and Kíli Brotherly Love, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Tauriel is the third wheel?, not really slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3317552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Viola_Delesseps/pseuds/Lady_Viola_Delesseps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili have always been close, and some (Thorin) think they are too close. But while in the dungeons of Thranduil, Kili falls in love with Tauriel, an elf, their sworn enemy. Fili tells himself it is this fact that is causing his pain and anger. But it may be more than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Overlooking Something

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt from Syriala on FF.net: "All I want is a story where Fili and Kili are together but Kili isn't happy because it's forbidden or they have to keep it a secret or something, and then the hobbit happens and Kili meets Tauriel and she heals him and Fili knows that he lost Kili and he really wants to hate her, but he can't because she saved his little brother. And Fili wants to be jealous and everything but he really can't and then he sees that his brother is happy with her and since that is really all he ever wanted for Kili he lets him be even though it breaks his heart. Please."
> 
> [This is not fluff or slash. It is a confusing deeply-thought fic based on the fan pairing... Make what you will of it.]

It really was beginning to look like they would never make it. Only hours ago the eagles had dropped them off on the top of a great overlook, and they could see it – their destination – their home... the Lonely Mountain, stabbing up out of the mist like an eternal finger pointed toward the Valar in their home in the sky. But now, they were in the roughlands – a shadow. They did not have the hopeful reminder of how far they had come, and would now tend to slow, and despair. Fili looked about them, and then gave one last glance upwards at the ascent which they just descended. Kili caught his eye and inclined his head ever so slightly toward Bilbo, the tiny halfling, who was walking along, one large foot in front of the other, his head down like a beaten puppy.

"Tired?" Kili piped up, receiving the approving look from his brother. "I could carry your satchel."

"Leave him be," Thorin spoke out, causing various members of the company to turn and see what the row would be this time. "Let him pull his own weight, or he will never learn."

"Uncle –" began Kili in an appalled voice. "Have you already forgotten –"

"He's forgotten nothing," Bilbo spoke out, lifting his chin. "I can manage. He's right. I just am looking forward to a rest, that's all."

"You're not the only one," Balin whispered comfortingly in his ear as they circled around a large rock formation, and plotted where on earth they should direct their footsteps so that they may have the possibility of a good site to camp for the night. There was nothing in the area except a forbidding-looking stand of trees on the other side of a wide feld dotted with rocks. Fili poked his brother.

"If you are the one to spot the best place to spend the night, then maybe Thorin will forgive you."

Kili nodded, and jogged ahead a little ways, his short strong legs propelling him upwards along the sloped ground. Aha! A semi circle of rocks – the closest thing they were likely to find outside of the forest.

"I've found it!" he bellowed, his voice ringing in echoes off the surrounding mountains and bouncing back in distorted tones.

"Found what?" Thorin shouted back as they came to a halt.

"He'll cause an avalanche with that kind of shouting," Gloin muttered to Dori, who nodded. "Just what we need."

"A place to camp!"

Fili rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean here," he muttered to himself. "Don't be stupid! There's nothing –"

Thorin completed Fili's inward grumbling. "Don't be a fool, Kili. This is no place to spend the night. We are exposed among the rocks on the side of a treacherous pass. Anything could come out of the forest and be upon us within seconds, and where could we flee? We would be sleeping in a trap. We continue!" He finished with a shout, and with murmuring and the creak of leathern straps being adjusted, the company continued on.

Kili stood above them, his silhouette dark against the setting sun's dimming light, his head drooped in disappointment. Ever since the beginning of this quest he had done nothing but try to prove himself to his uncle. And it seemed to always go wrong.

Letting gravity do more service than his muscles, Kili idled down the slope and fell into step beside Fili.

"Thanks a lot," he muttered, giving him a look out of the tops of his brown eyes. "What an idea. Maybe next time you should do it yourself."

"I was only trying to help," the blond snapped back. "You ought to be thanking me."

To anyone else this would have seemed like arguing, but the company knew the brothers were close, and couldn't argue even if they tried. This was all normal and in point of actual fact, enjoyable to them both. But Kili still seemed a little down.

"Such a  _kurd_ _ûn_ ," he teased. "You're all heart – you shouldn't take things so hard."

"You don't have a heart at all!" Kili replied, and it seemed no cheerful jibe.

"Do you really think that?" Fili stopped, and Bofur bumped into them, Fili offering a quick apology and a thump on the shoulder as the dwarf went around them.

Kili looked at the ground for a long moment, and finally said in a low voice, "I just don't think anyone understands me. I feel like... a misfit."

"But you're not a misfit!" Fili threw his arm protectively around his brother. "What is wrong with you?" He flung his hand in the air. "Exactly! Nothing!"

Kili looked up at his older brother. "I know it's all in jest, but I make so many mistakes... I carry a bow – "the weapon of elves"... I'm practically beardless..." His voice came as a low growl.

"That's a lot of nonsense. It'll come – just maybe when you're older."

"And you don't see why I take things so personally. Maybe it's just –"

"Fili! Kili!" A shout made them look up to see Bilbo standing on the rise and looking back at them, the others having disappeared down the other side. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes- coming!" Fili replied, smacking his brother on the back of the head.

Kili winced. "What was that for?"

"Punishment – you've practically told me to be more sensitive."

"And so you hit me?"

Fili stood with his mouth slightly agape, hoping for inspiration to come, but took off at a run when his wits failed him. Kili's cheerful laughter followed him on the wind. What would he ever do without him...


	2. Haunted by Love

Fili lay awake that night by the light of the dimming fire, Thorin deeming it safe at last that they light it since the Bear nearby was declared friendly by Gandalf, and was fortunately, keeping the hungry orcs at bay. For now. Most were still uneasy at the situation nevertheless, and had subsided into snores and fitful dreams. Yet it was not thoughts of their situation or the aching of his tired feet that kept him awake, but the queer memories that thronged through his head, triggered by his earlier conversation...

Memories of his uncle's head bent low in conversation with his sister Dis, Fili's mother, and snatches of their conversation wafting through the smoke of the firepit to his ears. Thorin's voice, deep and thoughtful:  _"He ought to be set up with a well-born dwarven maid._ "  _"Foolishness, I will not force him to marry one he does not love..."_ His mother's voice came, throaty and gentle. _"Think of it. What if his eye falls upon someone unsuitable?"_ Thorin's voice raised just enough, and he cast a hasty glance about them, lest they be overheard. _"He is the sole heir of Durin's throne, after me." "I am trusting that will not happen..."_

Laughter was ringing through the long alleyway of the city of Dale, and Fili crouched behind a barrel, covering his mouth with his hand to smother the laughter as the stubby form of his brother hurtled by, stopping short and looking feverishly from side to side.  _"Fili! Fili!"_ With a shout, the dwarf lad threw himself out of hiding, wielding the chunk of curved metal that he salvaged like a prized axe. Kili bent the string of his imaginary bow and fired a volley toward his brother, who, with a terrible cry, pretended to be overcome and collapsed. Kili ran to his side, playfully pummeling him, and they rolled over and over in the hay until they bumped to a stop against some stationary object. Fili's face was flushed when he sat up.  _"Look what you've done. Uncle will kill me – he will want me to look respectable tonight."_

Thoughtfully picking at the bits of hay disguised in his brother's straw colored hair, Kili smiled.  _"You always look nice."_ Fili's eyes brightened.  _"You're always so encouraging."_ A funny cast came over his face.  _"What is it?" "Nothing. If you were a girl, I'd marry you."_ They screamed with laughter and continued to pelt each other with clods of dirt until Kili accidentally sunk his hand into a mound of horse's filth, and they were sobered and returned home to clean up...

It was dark, and the torches burned low. Kili was laying with his back to him, but Fili could see his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. He rose and went to his brother, lying down behind him and wrapping him in his arms. The comfort spread throughout Kili's shaking form like the comfort brought by a warm cloak. _"Hsshh..."_ Fili soothed, knowing that his words were but drops in the dry well of his brother's spirit, for it had been a trying experience, and he had no idea what else to do.  _"It will pass, in time."_ Kili rolled over, his face looming close in the dark _. "You won't ever leave me, will you?"_  he whispered. And Fili didn't have to respond.. _._

Fili stood, the night breeze lifting his hair from his sweaty forehead, and looked around him at the sleeping forms of the company, his eyes falling upon the slumbering form of his younger brother. What was the matter with him? Protectiveness was good, love was good, but they could not always be inseparable... The wind billowed through his loose shirt, making his skin prickle as the moisture was dried, and soon replaced with skittering shivers up and down his back. Flinging on a cloak and fastening the sheath that contained his duo of heavy swords across his back, Fili walked a little ways from the camp, staring upwards at the stars, and breathing deeply. A voice startled him from his thoughts.

"I thought you accused me of being a  _kurd_ _ûn_." Kili.

"My heart is fine, thank you, it was my legs that were bothering me," Fili replied at length, turning. "Mahal, you didn't even bring a weapon. Where do you think we are, the hobbit's Shire?"

"I didn't think I'd need it. What, are you threatening me?" Kili sat down on the large rock next to his brother, and they stared in silence for a while. Kili draped his arm around Fili's shoulder, and Fili stiffened. "What?" He stared at the blond dwarf. "Are you hurt someplace?"

"No, no... I just – don't think we should do that anymore."

Kili laughed, the bright sound ringing through the darkness. "Whyever not? We've always been that way. Are you mad at me?"

"No-!" Fili exclaimed, looking shocked. "I mean... no," he repeated in a more reasonable tone of voice. "Not at all, I just –"

"Something up with you," Kili said, brushing his hair out of his eyes; Fili looked away. "No, really. What is it?

"I just don't think that we should... you know, whisper, put our arms round each other, spend so much time together...  _sleep_  together..." A bright flush rose over Fili's face and he cursed it inwardly.

"Don't be a fool! We're brothers! Except the sleeping bit, that could sound awkward." Kili laughed lightly.

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"People could think there is something strange going on."

"What, like we are lovers or something?" Kili's question rung out, the words unable to be unsaid, hanging in the air like a mist above them. He regretted it as silence rang, and Fili's lack of response seemed to confirm the suspicion. "What a lot of nonsense..." he muttered at last, his voice sounding thin and weak.

"Do you think so?" Fili's eyes searched for his brothers'. "We promised we'd never leave each other, that we would always love each other, always forgive –"

"Yes, but it's not like –  _that_!"

"You understand, then?"

"I don't believe what I'm hearing."

"Why not? Because you feel the same way?" Fili held his breath, but forged on, encouraged by the look in Kili's eye. "You do! You know you do!"

Kili stopped short, and stared at his brother. "I don't know." He ran a broad hand over his face. "Perhaps. There have been times..."

Fili sat like a stone, waiting for more, but none came. "What do we do?" he whispered at last.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Wait for it to blow over. This is all just something strange – a phase we're in. We've never been like this before, Fili."

"We always have. I promise, I'm just now beginning to see it. But I don't know whether to deny it or embrace it."

Kili took a deep breath. "As I said, I think we should do nothing. If it's real, then eventually we'll have to do something, but for now –" He waved his hand. "Besides, uncle would  _not_  look approvingly on such a thing. And maybe it will blow over... and we'll wake up one day and be fine... like we used to be..."

"I've always loved you."

There was a long pause. "And I you."

"So you see? I am caught. Tell me what to do."

"I wish..." Kili trailed off.

Fili leaned forward "What?"

The younger dwarf put his head in his hands. "I wish you'd never brought it up," he said at last.

And Fili was tempted to agree.


	3. The Sound of Listening

It seemed only days later they were locked behind bars, deep in the dungeons of the elven king , Thranduil. Fili's anguish of heart was further compounded by memories of the last night they had spent in safety, the night at Beorn's...

 _"_ _Fili?"_ The familiar, dear voice came on the soft wings of the night, with scents of hay and animals. " _Fili, are you awake?"_

" _I am now,_ " he feigned to grump, and was rewarded with a quiet laugh. There was a stirring, and then a small crash and a curse.

" _What in Durin's name are you doing?_ " Fili held his breath; it was Thorin's voice.

" _Sorry, uncle, I was just getting up... I had to relive myself –"_ Kili choked out, trying not to laugh. " _I'll be quiet_."

" _Don't bother – go on, wake everyone else up,"_ Thorin grumbled, and then with a rustling and a few quiet grunts, he rolled over and was soon fast asleep.

Kili flopped down on the hay next to his brother and they both burst into smothered gales of laughter, interrupting each other with many a " _Hshh-! You fool! You'll wake someone up! Oh, Valar! That was...! You oaf! Shhhh!"_

When they finally subsided into a happy heap, Fili realized he was atop his brother, his head pillowed on Kili's wide chest. It was a position they had often assumed, and only now did he begin to question it's basis. He began to sit up, but was stopped by the touch of something on his head – Kili's hand. He brushed stray pieces of the light hair that had fallen around Fili eyes, silent, both rough and tender at the same time.

"Kili –" he murmured.

"Never mind," came the response, a deep rumble that vibrated through his chest, making Fili's ear thrum with happiness. He gave a contented sigh, and curled up against Kili, banishing all doubts that this was where he belonged...

 _Mahal help them._ Sunlight streamed through the chinks in Beorn's walls, and a second kick fully roused both slumbering dwarves. Dwalin stood above them, peering down his nose at the pair.

"Cold, are we?" he grunted as large lazy bees hovered in the air behind him, and Fili scrambled to sit up. Kili did the same and as a result, they knocked heads. Kili's breath hissed between his teeth and Fili rubbed his pate.

"Yes – as a matter of fact," Fili replied, standing, and brushing himself off. "Kili was kind enough to come over and lend me his cloak – I was lying atop mine."

He caught Thorin watching them intently from across the room, oblivious to the ramblings of Ori, and quickly looked away – Kili saw this as well, but cracked a cocky smile. Then it was Thorin's turn to look away. Their host Beorn interrupted and prevented further conversations, and soon they were doing their best to stay alive in the tepid air of Mirkwood...

The next thing Fili remembered was the sensation of falling and a painful landing, made more painful by not one, but two others falling on top of him. There was the sickening sensation of not being able to breathe, and he opened his eyes to see light filtering through the mass of spider's webbing that was covering him from head to foot. The webbing was sticky and cold against his cheek, and he shuddered, tearing at it until his arms were free, and hearing sounds of a struggle around him...

As soon as Fili tore his head out of the clammy spider's wrapping, he sighted his brother being dragged through the underbrush by the leg by an enormous spider.

"Kili!" he shouted, struggling to his feet, and beginning to lurch forward to his brother's aid, only to come nose to nose with the tip of an arrow... notched to a string... tied to a powerful bow...held by an elf. He caught his breath as they were quickly surrounded, the creak of many bows being drawn only interrupted by the final blows that were delivered to the spider who had Kili in grasp. Fili flicked a glance toward him and saw a tall, long-haired elf – his rescuer – give his brother a scathing glance, and then give an order in Sindarin. Kili stared after her.

 _Her_. She was a woman. Even now, Fili puzzled his wits to understand who would put a woman in charge of an entire guard. True, she seemed capable enough – more than capable, really – but it made no sense. Were there not enough elven men? Was it a reverse of the problems of the dwarven population? They had few women, and thus, few children. He shook his head, wishing to feel his brother's warm arm around him, to feel his breath as he whispered in his ear, to see his boyish smile as he laughed triumphantly over some trifle. Everything Fili loved was taken from him, and locked in a cell somewhere along this curving corridor of bars. He daren't shout – the female guard was nearby, her back to them, straight, and slender. He fell into a fitful sleep.

 _They were in the soaring halls of Erebor, just the way he had always imagined. Fili was too young to remember it's days of glory, having been only a bairn when the dragon came, and Kili_ being _scarcely at all, still within the warm belly of their mother. And yet here they were, and it was more fantastic even than the stories. Laughter rang down the length of the table, piled high with sumptuous food, and a voice above the rest caught Fili's attention. It was Kili's boisterous laughter, accompanied by the story he was telling..._

_"_ _And so there we were, surrounded by at least fifty of them, all eight-legged and fearsome." Fili rolled his eyes. Embellishment, of course. But he did not expect it to go this far._

_"_ _And right there before my eyes, descending from the trees above, came a beauteous creature with long red hair and a motions swifter than the wind. I saw she was in danger, and with the last ounce of strength I could muster –" Kili accompanied this with a terrible grimace and a groan, which was met with appreciative applause by his audience, "I hacked off two of the spider's legs with one blow, and disabled it with the second. It gave a terrible screech –"_

_"_ _Kili!" His brother broke off as Fili called to him. "Kili, you know that's not what happened. It was she that rescued you!" He regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth. Those around them regaled his little brother with disdainful stares._ Liar. _And then Kili turned and bestowed upon Fili the most tremendous glare._

Fili woke up, his breathing quick and ragged. Kili... Kili hated him... It was nothing – it was just a dream. He heaved a sigh and ran a hand over his face, down his beard. When his own breathing subsided in his ears, he heard voices.

"Excuse me. I have a desperate need."

There was a long pause.

"I'm not going to let you out if that's what you mean."

"No – not at all. My need, you see, is so desperate, that I am forced to –"

"Master dwarf – I do not know what is considered suitable conversation in your lands, but this is not considered suitable at all here."

"You mistake me!" The voice was shocked.

"Do I?"

"How dare you accuse me of something low? I only was mentioning that I have a very great urge to –"

"Don't."

"-ask for your name," the voice finished sheepishly.

"Oh."

There was a long silence.

"It's Tauriel."

"Tauriel..." Kili whispered. "Thank you."

Footsteps receded down the corridor, and Fili felt the stiffness in his face relax. He hadn't realized he was listening so hard. Oh, Mahal...


	4. Descent to Disdain

The next morning dawned, for Kili, full of hope and promise. Not so for the other dwarves. But then, they had not the dream of getting to speak to, once again, the beautiful guard that Aule had placed always within his sight, and yet forever out of his reach. Kili had fallen asleep with her name upon his lips, and her face before his eyes. More disturbingly was the fact that he had awakened mid-dream to find his hand laid upon his own rough cheek, and his arm encircling nothing but tender air. There was a time when a hand would have been upon his face, a body in his arms, but it was not the slender form of an elf. It was a stouter form, and had a mane of blonde waves that would tickle his face and brush his shoulders; the hand upon his cheek heavy and hot. Fili. Kili kicked the thought swiftly out of his head as a child kicks an acorn down a forest path. A voice surprised him from his thoughts.

"Good morning, dwarf." Tauriel stood before him, her beautiful face and form divided into segments by the cold black bars between them.

"Good morning, elf!" Kili chirped back, his voice loud in the dungeon. "Is this for me?" He gestured toward the short bow which she held, partially concealed behind her back. Tauriel pursed her lips.

"If it is yours, then I do have a question regarding its use."

Kili stood and approached the door, reaching through the bars and taking his bow into his hands, a smile spreading over his face. "Hello, old friend," he murmured, looking up. "I am allowed to keep it?"

"Much good it will do you with no arrows. I don't see why not."

"You said you had a question of it's potency? Er – accuracy?" Kili corrected, in his eyes an impish gleam.

"If you don't watch your words, dwarf, I will report you to the king as being especially rebellious, along with your leader."

"My apologies." Kili dropped his head. His voice drifted up to her from beneath his bangs. "I do have a name, though. I wish you wouldn't always call me 'dwarf.'" He gave the word his most scornful intonation, after her wont.

Tauriel's face softened, and Kili looked up just in time to see it.

"What is your name,  _dwarf_ ," she said softly, giving the term an almost endearing sound. Kili's heart gave a lurch inside his chest, and seemed ready to burst from behind his sternum and flap wildly up into her face, tangling in her long red hair... He shook his head to free his mind from the picture, and said, "Kili. At your service."

"I wonder how you could serve me..." Tauriel mused, only half in jest. Kili had a mind to tell her his ideas, but decided against it, as a shadow was seen on the opposite side of the dungeon, near the entrance. It was the light-haired elf that had threatened Fili when they were rescued. Suddenly it dawned on Kili – she was most likely intended for this one. An elf. An elegant, well-born elf. Not a dwarf from the dungeons.

"I must go." Tauriel straightened, but she hesitated just a moment. Very quielty, under her breath, she asked, "Are you any good with your bow, master dwarf?"

"The best of my kin," Kili replied, choosing to omit that a bow was a very uncommon choice of weapon for his kin.

"Then we shall have to have a contest – someday." And in a swish of her long auburn hair, she was gone. He watched as she swiftly joined the other elf, exchanged a few brief words, and then exited the dungeon. Kili sighed. She still had not said his name.

That night, Fili came upon the most remarkable discovery. Putting his lips to the crack, he hissed, "Hello! Anyone there?"

A blast of air blew up his nostrils before he could even move his mouth from the crevice and replace it with his ear.

"Fili!'"

"Kili!"

"How did we not discover this sooner? We must be side by side!"

"Hsh!"

A third voice interrupted their frenzied whispering. It was Thorin's.

"There is a crevice between every two cells. I don't like it; it's unnatural. I suspect it is for the –"

"The prisoners will remain silent," Tauriel's voice rang out. The dwarves did as they were told, though Fili could hear Thorin muttering under his breath. Fili put his mouth once more to the crack and began again.

"Kili?"

"Hsh! Tauriel is coming!"

"Who?" Fili knew this was stupid, but he thought he may as well pretend.

"Don't be a fool. The guard! I think she likes me."

"Well, then, I'd better stop talking to you then, or she won't for long." It was true, but Fili managed it in a sulky voice that made Kili snap:

"We'll talk more about that later."

Fili purposefully ignored their conversation, even though he could have easily heard it. As a result, he was fast asleep when Kili whispered to him after Tauriel had gone. Kili tried a few more times, and then sat back on his heels, his face sad. He knew that to pursue a relationship with an elf he would have to give up everything. It never occurred to him that this included his brother.

 


	5. Forever Out of Reach

He was staying. There was no doubt about it; Kili would like that. Even now his mind's eye played back the brave, stupid feat he had witnessed...

Orcs and elves seemed to be everywhere, and the dwarves bobbing in their barrels were easy targets, maddeningly defenseless. Thorin ground his teeth as the rushing river about them thumped his barrel in a mocking rhythm against the closed gate. Fili sighted the lever at the same time as his brother, but Kili was quicker.

Launching himself from his barrel, Kili gained the platform beneath the gate and scrambled up the steps, straining upwards only to find the lever too high above his reach. Just then, the twisted form of an orc appeared over the battlement and sent a thick black shaft flying through the air toward the young dwarf. Tauriel saw this and felled him with a sudden shot, but she was not quick enough. The bolt embedded itself deep into the flesh of Kili's thigh, and he let out a strangled cry.

 _"_ _Kili!"_ Fili shouted, beginning to thrash his way out of the barrel. _"Kili!"_

His brother didn't seem to hear him. His head swam as his knees buckled, and he groaned loudly amid the clash of arms above him. Through his bleary vision he could just see the lever, and rallying his courage, toiled up the steps and tensed the muscles in his legs, feeling the pain shoot through his thigh. He touched his tough leathern trousers; they were sticky with blood. When he looked up again, Fili's tortured gaze caught his eye.

At first Kili thought he had been wounded as well, but a second glance revealed that his brows were drawn and his mouth gasping for air on his brother's behalf. With a sudden surge of energy, Kili raised himself to his full stature and gave a jump, catching hold of the lever, and letting his weight pull it down. Beneath him, the gate creaked and opened, letting the torrent of water carry the barrels through. He hissed in pain as he released his hold and tumbled to the ground.

Two elves took him by the arms and dragged him to his feet... Fili tried in vain to catch Kili's eyes as he was swept helplessly downriver. All he could see was his brother's broad back, drooping in pain, and his dark head, sopping wet and lowered in defeat.

They were shot at all the long way down the rushing river, and amid the chaos, no one noticed Fili feverishly thrashing his way to the shore, and dumping himself unceremoniously from the barrel in a gush of scummy water. He crept under an overhang matted with tree roots and there waited until their hunters had moved on downriver following the dwarves, and then broke into a run toward the gate which was just visible. He was not leaving Kili alone there, he didn't care what anyone said...

Now the wound was a dark color, old blood and dirt clogging the torn flesh, and Fili folded his lips tight as the elf bent over his brother.

"Can't I do anything?" he asked for, quite possibly, the fifth time.

"Just hold your tongue, master dwarf," Tauriel replied, probing the gash gently with her fingers, eliciting a groan from Kili, "and hand me that ewer."

Fili did as he was told, placing the slender vessel in her hand and watching as the wound was washed and tightly wrapped. Even after the repeated flushings with water, and the removal of the jagged tip, causing the blood to flow once again clear and red, the skin around the wound remained darkened, and Fili could see this concerned Tauriel.

"What does it mean?" he asked quietly, going forward and looking up into her face, worry corrugating his forehead into a row of furrows.

"It is a Morgul shaft," she said at last. "And could carry  _sangwa_."

"What?"

Tauriel turned away. "Poison."

Before Fili could fully register what she had just said, Kili stirred, and Fili eagerly bent over him, taking his hand, and saying, "At last – you're going to be alright. We are still in Mirkwood. You've had a wee injury is all, and soon –"

But Kili, not even seeming to notice his brother or his impatient overflow of words, looked past the blond dwarf and let his gaze fall upon the elf lingering in the doorway.

"Give her..." he wheezed, his breath light upon Fili's bearded cheek, "...my thanks."

And in that moment Fili knew that he had lost his brother forever.


	6. A Heart Beating Slow

It was several days later. Tauriel straightened after securing the end of the bandage about Kili's leg, and frowned slightly.

"What is it?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I don't like the way it is looking, but it is impossible to tell with so little blood flow. I do not think you should walk on it, but there has to be another way to get your blood flowing quicker."

A light blush covered her face the moment she said that, as Kili's dark gaze bored into her own, mischief gleaming behind the exhaustion.

"I'll send your brother in to rouse you with his conversation," she murmured, going to the door. Kili groaned.

"He tells the boringest stories," he complained, stretching and giving a protesting sigh.

Tauriel paused a moment, before saying, "Even so. I will return later."

Kili's eyes drifted shut – he was more exhausted than he liked to admit. But through the wavering haze in his mind reached a voice, like an arm through the mist, grabbing him and giving a vigorous tug. The bed jolted and he grumbled, forcing his eyes open.

Fili gave Kili a gentle push to the center of the bed to make room for him and flopped down on his back, side by side with his brother.

"I'm told you must be amused," he said, loudly, it seemed, as Kili rolled over with his back to Fili and gave a quiet sigh.

"I don't want to be amused."

"I'm supposed to energize you with rousing tales. So listen. Once, there was a kingdom."

Kili groaned. "You don't know how to tell stories. You never embellish, you tell only the barest of facts. It is like listening to a funeral oration."

"Shut up, and listen. Once, there was a kingdom." Fili dropped his voice to the deepest throes of dramatic intonation, and gave it the most mysterious flavor he could muster. "It was full of people. Brave, loyal people. Over it, ruled a king. The king was wise and strong. But one day, the kingdom was invaded. A great battle was fought –"

"The end," Kili supplied with a yawn. "If anything my heartrate is even slower now. No, you are no storyteller, brother."

Fili rolled his eyes and grabbed Kili by the hair, looking into his face. "You insult me? We never see each other these days, and when we do, you either insult me, or –" He rolled his eyes as Kili demonstrated with a quiet snore. "-Sleep."

Impossible as it seemed, Kili was asleep. Aule – what, was he drugged or something? These elves and their strange medicine... there was no way of knowing.

Fili lay silently by Kili's side, gently moving his limbs to a more comfortable position when Kili would fling them into his face or across his chest. He lay quite still when Kili, with a muffled sound, cuddled up with his head beneath his chin, his hand stroking Fili's blond mane, and his good leg flung over him. A moment later Kili stirred, and seemed to start, pushing Fili away.

"What are you doing here?"

"Dreaming?" Fili asked sullenly. "I was afraid of that."

"Don't be nasty."

"I thought you loved me," Fili whispered.

"I  _do_."

"You know that elves cannot withstand the sort of passion a dwarf would give," Fili mused, twisting his neck and looking at his brother. "They are too delicate. You lay on them and they're crushed. A caress –" He demonstrated by ghosting his fingers down his brother's dark stubble and then giving him a tiny pat on the head. "That's all."

Kili laughed. "Stop it. That's not true." He snuggled deeper beneath the blankets against his brother, and Fili gave a start, exclaiming in a high airy voice, "Oh, dear! Something touched my leg!"

"Stop it," Kili growled into the pillow. "You're making yourself ridiculous."

Fili gave him a shove, half in jest, and with a cry, Kili began to tumble from the bed, taking all the blankets, and nearly taking his brother to the floor with him. Laughing, Fili hauled Kili by his arms back onto the bed, the wounded hero pale with pain, but his face smiling.

"Sorry, you alright?" Fili asked, as Kili settled back on the pillows with a sigh.

"I'm fine," he breathed. "Just give me a moment."

"Alright," Fili chuckled, feeling the happy remembrance of teasing with his brother rise in his stomach and fill his chest and head with a tight swell of joy. "You're such a weakling."

Rising and rounding up the blankets into a huge pile, Fili dumped them unceremoniously onto Kili's face, expecting a rebellious protest from beneath the textiles and a furious thrashing, but nothing came. Fili cleared them away, and shook his brother. "Kili- Kili?"

He did not respond. Hurriedly removing the bandage from Kili's wound, Fili saw the flesh tinted an angry purple, with dark veins spidering out from around the gash. His heart leapt into his throat and he ran from the room.

Tauriel burst in the door, Fili on her heels. She fell to her knees beside the bed, and peered at Kili's thigh – her eyes flashing. "What did you do to him?" she demanded, her voice high with fear.

"Nothing – we were only having a bit of fun!" Fili protested, as the elf hurried to gather the things needed from about the room. "Go and get the white box you see in the adjacent room. In it is the dried leaves of kingsfoil. It is rare here, and we must preserve it for special cases. This is a special case."

Fili blindly did as he was told, and was sent from the room the moment after delivering the plant to Tauriel. She worked with speed and surety, the spells she chanted bringing life back into his still form and drawing the evil from the wound as surely as cool water washes the dirt of a day away, to be carried downriver, and become no more. At last he opened his eyes, and Tauriel seized his hand.

"Kili," she breathed, thankfulness overflowing her voice. " _Lye sha wanwa lle_."

He smiled palely, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Lie still," she instructed. "You are still very frail."

"Where is Fili?" Kili managed.

"I sent him away. He was a fool, and –"

"Don't." Kili's weak voice stopped her. "He is my brother," he whispered.

Tauriel made as if to stand, but his grip on her hand tightened, and she looked shocked.

"Stay," he managed.

Nodding, Tauriel said in a low voice, "Only until I am sure you are alright."

"You want to leave?"

"I do not know what to think." She turned away. "I only need to sort these thoughts out in solitude. I'll send Fili in, though, if you do not let him excite you."

"Yes, my lady." Kili chuckled quietly, releasing her hand. "Thank you."

And with a long look, she was gone.


	7. Running in Starlight

Fili sat on the edge of the bed, carefully rebraiding his brother's dark locks as he slept. His chest rose and fell with each breath, and his warmth called to Fili through the light covering of the cloak that was drawn up over him. He fought with his inner surges until a cold eddy of air flurried over his hot cheeks and made him look up.

Tauriel stood, silent and still on the parapet, her back to him. Fili felt a rising in his chest that rivaled the rush of battle-thrill, only it was not pleasant. He rose, and approached where she stood. That pointy-eared temptress had stolen his brother's heart, and things would never,  _ever_ be the same between him, this he knew. But she saved his life... If it were not for Tauriel, then Kili would likely be dead by now... The thought made him grind his teeth and shed silent tears at the same time. Just then, a quiet step arrested him in his place.

A tall, light-haired elf joined Tauriel, and spoke in a low voice to her. "Tauriel – you are troubled."

"He was so close- so close to being lost," she murmured back, and Fili could only hold his breath and listen. "It makes me shudder even now."  
"The great Captain of the Mirkwood guard shudders at thick dwarven blood..." the light-haired elf murmured, with just a touch of scorn. "He daily occupies your watch. And I do not receive even the slightest regard?"

"You are not in mortal danger, Legolas. And if you were, you should receive the same care."

"But not at your hands."

Legolas lifted a fair hand and laid it gently upon Tauriel's cheek – the dwarf nearly choked on his own saliva –  _did she dare love another in addition to this treachery?_

"Why is your heart so far from me,  _mellon?_ How have I offended you?"

"You have done nothing, my lord. Indeed..." Tauriel dropped her voice so low that Fili almost could not hear. "I feel that I am being unfair to you."

"In what way?" Legolas stroked a strand of red hair back from her face, but saw this seemed to displease her, and politely refrained from further familiarities.

"You are a prince – I am a lowly silvan elf, and it is most gracious of you to favor me with your... regard."

"You could have more than my regard, if you wished it."

"Your father would not let you."

"My father will soon see the great love I have for you."

"Please stop." Tauriel stepped away, her face determined. "I am greatly flattered – but I –"

"You love the dwarf..." Legolas whispered incredulously. "I somehow am not surprised."

Tauriel stiffened. "Is that intended as an insult?"

"Never would I insult you." Legolas seemed sincere, but then, what did Fili know of elves? If anything, they were both liars. "This is most irregular."

"Yes, I realize this," Tauriel retorted, sounding irritable. "Now, will you please leave me alone with my thoughts?"

Legolas bowed, somewhat mockingly, it seemed. "Of course, my lady." And he departed.

Before Fili knew what he was doing, he was stepping forward into the light cast by the silver stars above them, his head lowered, but his gaze steady from the tops of his blue eyes.

"Fili." Tauriel seemed to return from some far-off place as she focused her attention on him. "How is your brother?"

"He is asleep, and if the smile on his face is any indication, he dreams of you." It came out much more sulky than Fili intended it, and Tauriel looked surprised.

"This is not something to converse of lightly," she reproved in a low voice. "And it is none of your concern."

"Oh, but it is!" Fili exploded, unable to contain his anger any more. "Kili and I have always been together, the closest of companions, even as children. The love we share is unlike any ever witnessed, and is stronger than the throes of poison and can withstand the gales of separation. I cannot understand what has come over him, but I, who was once his everything, am now relegated to the back corners of his mind, and the slashed remnants of his once throbbing and pulsing heart! His every look was a joy to me, his every word for my benefit. My arms defended him, and my body strained for him when we were apart. In his eyes scorched a passion that would scathe one such as you to the core, but it was my life's blood!" Here he paused for breath, but instead of looking appalled, Tauriel merely listened with wide eyes.

Fili finished in a whisper, "Why have you taken him from me? I would hate you if I could."

"And why don't you?" Tauriel whispered back, her eyes soft in the starlight. Oh Mahal...

"Because you saved his life. He loves you. And anything beloved of my brother cannot be hated by me. To measure the height and breadth of our love is to measure the depth of the mountain or the width of the sky. And though I feel he has betrayed me, I cannot betray him so much as to harm you."

Tauriel's face was unreadable, but at last, she bent, and took Fili's face in her hands, lowering her forehead and placing it to his.

"Think not of it losing a brother – but gaining a sister," she whispered.

Fili shook his head, tears coming to his eyes. "It is not like that."

Tauriel made no answer, but continued to pour her peace into him until he could do naught but turn away, in his eyes a strange light, and in his heart a broken rhythm.

That night he dreamed of starlight, silver and cool, washing over the trees and gilding the side of the mountain, it's snowy cap striking bright lights into the sky like the facets of diamonds. A warm breeze eddied throughout the wide felds, and over the rise came two figures, one golden-haird and strong, the second dark-headed and smiling. Hand in hand they roamed among the rocks, and when the younger one slipped, the firm hand of his brother guided him upwards until they were running easily along through the fields where patches of kingsfoil were beginning to bloom.


End file.
